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Thursday, October 10, 2013

Swarms of Locusts Everywhere....Ugh!

So... Grandma Inga taught me much about Guilt... and we'll get to that in a minute.  But she also taught me much about Living Life Well.  (She was a conflicted woman...as are we all).   She and Grandpa dairy farmed in the rich Wisconsin countryside.  Love for the farm flowed straight from her veins to mine...

 
 


 
 
 
Grandma Inga set us to work with the calves, the chickens and the pony at an early age.  Though, I am really rethinking my red highwater pants and blue jacket selection right now.  Did no one supervise us when we got up in the morning?!
 
Anyway, back to the matter at hand... Guilt.  Which, by the way, I feel none when I think back to those glorious visits to the dairy farm.  Just freedom, fun and chocolate (yes, the chocolate addiction I learned at Grandma Inga's knee as well...she was conflicted but happy).
 
There are a-gazillion books from some really smart people about how to handle Guilt.  Where it comes from... What it looks like... And What to do about it... I am not one of these people.  I am one of the people who is figuring it out one agonizing step at a time.
 
I do very much encourage you to seek out the professionals for a Guilt that is interferring with your joy, your love or your life.  It can be debilitating and I know that some things simply cannot be handled without help...please know that when we become weary in the walk, Grace provides the Aarons and Hurs to hold our hands and walk us through the trials.  It may be a counselor, a friend or a minister...you don't have to handle it alone...
 
In my personal life, I have found that there are basically two kinds of guilt (don't try to look this up in any of the fore-mentioned books, I don't think it's in there...)
 
There's Real Guilt.  That's the kind where you really did something to feel guilty for.  Like rob a bank or cheat on a test or lie to your parents...
 
Then there's the Imaginary Guilt, which of course is the Guilt you make up in your mind.  And is, by definition, not Real.  That would be not spending enough time with your loved one, or not calling your friend back, or eating that second piece of pie. 
 
For me, the Imaginary Guilt is way, way harder to deal with.  It takes over your thoughts and messes with your happiness.  All those what ifs and not enoughs...
 
With Real Guilt, you know exactly what you did wrong.  Usually the police or teacher or your mom will be only to happy to help you figure it out.
 
With Real Guilt, there is an action that can be accounted for.  Actions that can be amended, albeit, not without consequences.  This is the Guilt that brings a humbled child (no matter the age) back to his parent to beg forgiveness... or the husband back to his wife... or the friend back to his comrade...
 
Imaginary Guilt is just so hard to quantify... Really how much time is enough?  How much pie is too much? (Well, ok, that one's easy... like, don't eat the whole pie...)  But the thing is, we lay a self-imposed (imaginary) line in the sand and when we cross it, we're off on a mega (self-indulgent) guilt trip, even though we have literally harmed no one...
 
So, what to do?  Well, if you're me, you do the following...
 
Stop.  Examine the offense.
 
Decide if it's Real Guilt or Imaginary Guilt.
 
If it's Real, do the hard thing and go make amends.  And accept the consequences.
 
If it's Imaginary Guilt, Raise your Head High and Apply Grace to your Heart.  Liberally.  Refuse to live in the land of what if and not enough.
 
And if you, like me, have traveled a thousand guilt trips and mourn the time that was lost while wrestling the anguish... Be of good cheer... 
 
"I, the Lord your God,
will make up for the losses
caused by those swarms
and swarms of locusts
I sent to attack you.
My people, you will eat
until you are satisfied.
Then you will praise me
for the wonderful things
I have done.
Never again will you
be put to shame."
     Joel 2:25-26
    
Living in the Grace Promise to restore the years the locusts have eaten. 
Faithful God.  He knows my Heart. 
There is joy, There is Hope.
There is no more Shame.
 
Graced to be Guilt-free for today.
Tomorrow may find me wrangling yet another one-way ticket off the
Guilt Trip Train,
Thankful still for the Grace to move on and
 
Live Life Well! 
 

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