Happy to Have a Glass...

Can I be honest?   I'm having a little trouble getting into the Thanksgiving Spirit...

Dad and I stopped at the grocery store several days ago and saw the freezers overflowing with Turkey Goodness.  I was reminded that Thanksgiving is less than 3 weeks away...and it's going to be out here at the farm.  Just like last year...but nothing at all like last year...

 

There will be an enormous hole at the family table and an even bigger hole in our hearts...

 

Some days we just miss mom more than is bearable.

 

It makes Gratitude hard.  Real hard.  And that is so foreign for me.  My family would label me the poster child for Happy...And truly, I think I was born with a heart full of happy.  I have never had difficulty finding the positive in most things, that is, until Pancreatic Cancer touched our lives...

 

And so, Gratitude, or the lack thereof, has occupied much of my thoughts the past few days.  Perhaps that is why my radar tuned in to the following excerpt from Live Your Dash by Linda Ellis.  It struck a chord and has given me pause to examine my heart:

"I consider true gratitude a skill or an art - a trait that is not inherent but acquired during the course of life's journey.  Furthermore, I've come to understand that it is the very core of achieving tranquility, contentment, and peace in life.  Without it, there is an indiscernible unrest...a nagging, consistent inner turmoil.  I compare it to constant ripples in the waters of our soul in lieu of smooth, still springs.

I am referring to those haunting, taunting ripples caused by desire.  Desire is gratitude's nemesis - a silent enemy that hounds us unrelentingly, teasing us with "what could be," while simultaneously squelching our appreciation for "what is."  Not until we learn to retire desire and include gratitude can we calm these ripples of unrest.

Gratitude is a focus...an attention given to "what is."  It is a concentration: a deliberate devotion to absolute appreciation.  It is an acceptance, a recognition and absorption of one's personal reality.  It is a slow-down; a deceleration of our high-speed lives allowing us to drink in the often-transient blessings that are present in our "now."

It is a reversal of a thought process: a philosophy created by society's altered views of success, which may have become ingrained in our minds.  It is our willingness: a readiness to open our hearts and minds to truly seize what is available in our "here."  It is a realization: an awareness that failures and disappointments are not only blessings in disguise, but also important, necessary life lessons. 

Gratitude and appreciation form the very foundation upon which you can build lasting contentment for your soul, your self, for your life.

Time is one of our greatest current blessings...so why not try using more of it, being thankful for what is, as well as less of it regretting what was or yearning for what isn't.  Expressing gratitude for our blessings on a regular basis is a proven method for increasing feelings of inner peace."

 Whether you are in the midst of the angst of your own pancreatic cancer battle or desperately bearing the burden of a loved one's journey, I know how hard gratitude can be.  Pancreatic cancer can leech happiness from a heart with harrowing intensity.  Practicing gratitude is an act of the will,  even as we journey on with the cancer beast.

Linda Ellis closed her notes on Gratitude with a quote by Joe Farrel:

"I don't really care whether my glass is half-full or half-empty...
I'm just happy to have a glass."

Pancreatic Cancer leaves us with a glass that is so much less than half-empty.  The struggle can overwhelm even the most faithful heart.  But even in these depths, we can raise that glass with thanks.  If you are able to breathe sweet air into lungs, feel the sun warm your face, wrap your arms around a loved one, then we can choose to give thanks for this, that the Giver of all Good Things has lavished His Love upon us... Gratitude turns our focus to the blessing of our very cherished life.  A life that has been Graced by the Gift of a Savior... Pancreatic cancer cannot  begin to touch the Love holding us close . 

The Grace we have experienced on this journey has opened my heart to the advent of Gratitude despite the grief of this past year... I am finding that Gratitude is more than having a Happy Heart...it's opening my eyes to all the Goodness around me and for the glass He's given me to hold. 

 

Half Full... or Half Empty...

I am just Happy to Have a Glass.

I choose gratitude.